Friday, August 1, 2008
IDEA: Strong marriages thrive on respect, commitment, loyalty, and forgiveness.
PURPOSE: To help listeners think about what really matters in a good marriage.
This week we've been talking with Drs. Gay Hubbard and Alice Mathews about their book A Marriage Made In Eden.
• We've talked about reasons people jump into marriage which may or may not be good
• Then about people in today's Western culture who choose to live together without marriage
• And also about some good reasons why people should choose marriage
Q: All week the two of you have been alluding to God's blueprint for marriage, and we'll spend next week examining that blueprint from the Bible. But as we wrap up this week, let's talk about some of the basic elements of successful marriage which would be true for Christians and non-Christians alike. From the people who've had long-term experience in marriage, what has been the glue that has kept them together?
A: We're really talking about what keeps the emotional connection alive between two people.
A lot of researchers have looked at successful marriages in an effort to find out what made them successful. One study collected data from 576 couples who had been married for 50 years or more. When asked about what helped them stay together so long, they zeroed in on three factors: trust (82%), loving relationship (81%), and willingness to compromise (80%).
In another study Robyn Parker found two things: 1. Mutual commitment to the marriage, and 2. willingness to practice things that keep emotional connection alive.
One thing is clear: we live in a consumer society and that attitude spills over into our relationships: we consume people for our own benefit. But marriage calls two people to treat one another with generosity and self-sacrifice. That attitude doesn't survive or thrive in a consumer mentality.
If you're not willing to trust, to compromise on non-moral issues, to practice things that keep emotional connection alive, you are not marrying for reasons that will lead to success in marriage.
The bottom line is that it takes four things to keep the emotional connection alive:
• We have to demonstrate respect for the personhood of our spouse.
• We have to make a concrete commitment to the interests and life priorities of our spouse.
• We have to be loyal to our spouse.
• And we have to forgive and seek forgiveness. We seek it when we need it and we grant it when the other person needs it.