Friday, August 3, 2007
"You shall not commit adultery" (Exodus 20:14).
"If you bring your gift to the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar, and go your way. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift" (Matthew 5:23-24).
"Moreover, if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother" (Matthew 18:15).
IDEA: In order to achieve intimacy, couples need to know how to have healthy conflict.
PURPOSE: To help listeners face and deal with conflict in their marriages.
Would you agree that conflict may destroy a marriage?
Would you also agree that most marriages have conflicts?
What makes the difference between conflict that drives couples apart and conflict that draws couples together?
In Ephesians 4, Paul gives us several principles for dealing with conflict in a positive way.
The first principle is that you must be willing to fight.
I. Some people consistently avoid conflict.
I heard about one woman who refused to talk about her problems at home because it would upset the children, and she wouldn’t talk about them in front of friends because they would gossip.
She refused to discuss them in the car because it was dangerous. And she wouldn’t talk about her conflicts when they walked the dog because it would upset the dog. Have you met folks like that?
II. Paul says that you’ve got to deal with what makes you angry. Don’t let the sun go down on your anger.
Anger not dealt with becomes resentment, and resentment leads us to sin.
Resentment is like a fire in the framework of a house.
Not to deal with anger gives Satan a foothold in our relationship.
III. If a couple is committed to facing life together, they must not avoid conflict.
If they’re not committed to the marriage and to each other, their not talking will destroy the relationship.
If a couple is in a weak marriage and they constantly refuse to face their differences, the marriage becomes only weaker.
If they are in a growing marriage, dealing with anger can cause the relationship to grow.
IV. Whose responsibility is it to bring the matter up?
The person who feels the hurt is the person responsible for bringing it up.
Jesus says it is always up to you.
"If you bring your gift to the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar, and go your way. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift" (Matthew 5:23-24).
"Moreover, if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother" (Matthew 18:15).
Face your anger as a couple and deal with it.