My wife, Marlene, and I have been married for some 30 years, and have learned to appreciate each other and enjoy each other’s unique qualities. But even after all these years she still surprises me from time to time. Recently, she reacted to a news report in a way that was opposite to what I expected. I told her, “Wow, that shocks me. I never would have thought you would land there on this issue.” Her response? “Your job is to figure me out, and my job is to keep you guessing!” The responsibility to understand your spouse is what keeps married life interesting and stretching.

This is an ancient challenge. Peter wrote: “Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered” (1 Peter 3:7). He saw it as a priority for the husband to become a student of his wife—to know and understand her. Without that commitment to understanding his spouse, a husband is not capable of doing what comes next—honoring her.

As a husband, if I am to love my wife as Christ loves the church (Eph. 5:25), it will begin with the intentional effort to grow in my understanding of her.  — Bill Crowder