When we or someone we love has been hurt, thoughts of revenge may dominate our minds. But we won’t ever be able to “get even.” Dr. Lewis Smedes, a professor of theology, wrote extensively about forgiveness in Forgive and Forget, saying: “Revenge never evens the score, for alienated people never keep score of wrongs by the same mathematics. Forgiveness is the only way to stop the cycle of unfair pain turning in your memory.”

These insights help us understand why Paul wrote with urgency: “Let all bitterness, wrath, anger . . . be put away from you, with all malice. And be kind to one another, . . . forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you” (Eph. 4:31-32). Paul knew that a spirit of forgiveness was essential for the Ephesians’ spiritual survival. His appeal was based on God’s forgiveness of them.

Smedes said that forgiveness is not forgetting, excusing, or smoothing things over. Instead, forgiving breaks the cycle of revenge and “creates a new possibility of fairness by releasing us from the unfair past. Forgiving is love’s toughest work, and love’s biggest risk. To forgive is to dance to the beat of God’s forgiving heart. It is to ride the crest of love’s strongest wave. To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.”  — David C. McCasland