English essayist and critic Charles Lamb (1775-1834) had this to say about a person he did not want to meet: "Don't introduce me to that man! I want to go on hating him, and I can't hate someone I know."

Harboring malice robs us of close relationships with others. Jacob cheated his brother and stole his birthright. Understandably, Esau was angry. But what he did with his anger became a serious problem, not only for Jacob but for Esau himself. For years he harbored a deep resentment that robbed him of a warm relationship with his brother.

Grudges can also create a cold, icy environment in churches, and this often keeps people away. Pastor George Gardiner asked the members of a congregation he visited why their church wasn't growing. He received this reply: "There's an elder in this church who holds a grudge."

Instead of bearing a grudge, we must bare it before God in confession and ask for deliverance. We must begin praying for the person toward whom we have negative feelings and, if possible, take practical steps to resolve our differences. We must find ways to show love.

Resentment will fade when the object of our ill will becomes the special object of our goodwill.
  — Dennis J. De Haan