The police in San Diego received complaints from a woman who said she was getting annoying phone calls. In the middle of the night a person would phone her, bark like a dog, and then hang up. Police eventually discovered that the source of the calls was a neighbor. He said that whenever he was awakened by the barking of her dog, he wanted to make sure she was awake too.
The neighbor's approach certainly didn't express the wisdom of God. The Scriptures tell us that it is often necessary to face a problem head-on (Matthew 18:15-20). At the right time and for the sake of all parties involved, an honest discussion is part of the solution.
Yet such a loving, open approach is not usually followed among Christians. Rather than trusting God and walking into a tense situation with a clear conscience and a desire for peace, we tend to play games. Hints are dropped. Affection is withheld. Conversation is abbreviated. The air gets chilly, and ice forms around a situation that can only be melted by a wise combination of mercy and truth (Proverbs 3:3).
Our complaints against others cannot be smoothed over by burying our anger. If a problem is not small enough to overlook graciously, then let's talk about it.
— Mart De Haan
If you can't forgive a brother
For the wrong he's done to you,
Go to him and talk it over—
That's the Christian thing to do. —D. De Haan
The best way to destroy your enemy is to make him your friend.